BY SARAH STEPHENS
ELMORE/AUTAUGA NEWS
Oxymoron.
Simply, it is a figure of speech using words that contradict each other.
They can make us laugh, or make us wonder.
I have a new one to add to my own personal favorites.
Small Stroke.
Three weeks ago I had a “Small Stroke.” As my recovery continues, I compare having a Small Stroke to being run over by a large truck, but the driver was kind enough not to kill me.
The good news is that I, quite obviously, survived. I have a few effects that have lingered, but are improving. I am assured by my doctor I will more than likely completely recover with time and patience. I am not dealing well with the patience aspect. But that is just another one of my weak spots I am working to improve. Truly.
So with my stroke, I have spent the last few weeks thinking a lot, and doing very little. I have not even watched the news, or been on my computer or social media much at all. I turned the day-to-day news gathering over to my very capable news associates and administrators at the Elmore/Autauga News during my recovery.
They have done an absolutely outstanding job, and I am very thankful. Now that I know they are fully capable, I plan to scale back permanently. I am not going away…but I will also no longer work three days straight with no sleep, existing on coffee and whatever I can find in the pantry that is quick and easy. We will share the wealth of news in this area, and believe me, we are rich with it indeed.
At 52, I am reminded I am no longer a Spring Chicken. I fall more in line with a Clucking Hen. I still have a lot to say, I am just going to limit my time in how much I actually say.
There are two points I want to cover relating to my personal experience.
To those who reached out to check on me or pray for me, I am very thankful. To those who dropped off food or presents, or sent flowers, you truly made this time a little easier.
But through this experience I have also learned that some people have an extraordinary talent in being obnoxious, and probably don’t even realize it.
Comments like, “Well, are you going to follow your doctor’s orders? Are you going to take your medicine?”
My sarcastic side has said things like, “Of course not. Why would I do that? I mean, why would I try to stay alive?”
And there is the all-too-common, “Well you just need to start taking care of yourself.”
And sarcasm said, “Why would I do that? See, I was attempting to have a stroke, obviously.”
I think I knew this before, but it has been reinforced. People want to find a reason for when something bad happens to someone they know. If they can find some reason, then that makes them safe from ever enduring a similar fate. It works the same way when someone is in an accident or a victim of crime. People try to place blame on the person, because then it somehow makes them “better and smarter” or puts them in a position where they don’t think it can happen to them.
Please stop doing that. Think before you speak. And if you just can’t help yourself, and you decide to say something stupid to me about my health in the future, make sure you are standing on my left side. It is just a fraction weaker at the moment than my right. My ability to reach out and touch you may take a split second longer. This is where I should insert an “LOL.” But I will not. I mean it.
So, I looked up some common Oxymorons and thought I would share. Most of them you probably hear all the time and didn’t even realize it. There were several that are on the list I have used myself recently. Some made me laugh. I may never look at an Oxymoron in the same light again.
Common Oxymorons I found by taking suggestions from the Internet:
Act naturally
Alone together
Amazingly awful
Bittersweet
Clearly confused
Dark light
Deafening silence
Definitely maybe
Farewell reception
Growing smaller
Jumbo shrimp
Only choice
Open secret
Original copy
Painfully beautiful
Passive aggressive
Random order
Small crowd
Sweet sorrow
True myth
Walking dead
Weirdly normal
“I like a smuggler. He is the only honest thief.” – Charles Lamb
“I can believe anything, provided that it is quite incredible.” – Oscar Wilde
“A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business.” – Henry Ford
“I am a deeply superficial person.” – Andy Warhol
“We’re busy doing nothing.” – Bing Crosby
“No one goes to that restaurant anymore. It’s always too crowded.” – Yogi Berra
“A joke is an extremely serious issue.” – Winston Churchill
“I like humanity, but I loathe persons.” – Edna St. Vincent Millay
As I close, I sincerely appreciate those who have gone the extra mile to stop by, bring food, flowers, email or call, or send cards and little things to remind me I am loved. I thank my husband so much. He has been my nurse and assistant and been very patient with me. In sickness and in health…..when we took those vows, we both said it and meant it. Thankful for that.
So go out and rock this day beautiful people. Life is meant to be lived and cherished. I have been given an opportunity to make my life better, with less stress. I plan on taking advantage of that, indeed.
Sarah Stephens is the owner of the Elmore/Autauga News. She can be reached at editorsarah@yahoo.com
