FROM RUSTY ALDRIDGE
“OUR MAN ABOUT WETUMPKA TOWN”
Every year, about this time, my dear, sweet wife Donna Kay asks me the same question; what do you want for Christmas? I always give her the same answer; I don’t know.
I like getting stuff for Christmas, but I can never think of anything I really want. I’m not trying to make myself out to be some sort of yuletide martyr, but I would probably be cool if I didn’t get anything at all! If I see something I really want, I’ll go and get it my own self. Call me crazy…lots of folks do.
However, this year I do have something in mind. I have been curious about this item for several years and I have even toyed with the idea of building on my own. So here we go…below is my letter to Santa.
Dear Santa,
I have been very good this year and I only want one thing…a time machine. Color doesn’t matter, I have cleaned out an area in the Man Cave so just set it up in there. Please find next to the Play Station, the customary Yoo-Hoo and a Clark Bar…thanks! Your pal, Rusty
I would use the time machine to travel back in time. I might do something to mess up the time line, but I don’t think the present could be more FUBAR than it is right now. Here are a few things I would attempt to ‘fix’…
I would swap Joe Biden for Asa Breeney. Asa was the guard at the bank and at Weaver’s Department Store on The Andy Griffith Show. He slept on the job just like Joe, but, and this is the best thing, Asa is not as crazy as an outhouse rat.
I would make AOC a political figure in a third world country. When those folks get tired of mouthy, know nothing politicians they…well, those countries usually still have the firing squad.
I would replace the ‘boogie-man’, or as my people used to say ‘the booger-man’, with Nancy Pelosi. I guarantee there will be no behavior problems with kids if they’re told, ‘If you don’t behave, Nancy Pelosi will get you!’ Makes me shiver…
I would dump an entire dump truck load of kitty litter onto Chuck Schumer, bury him up to his neck, just to see if some Fresh Step would draw some of the slime off of him.
I would visit Elizabeth Warren’s Paw-Paw just to see how high his cheek bones really were…
I would find out once and for all if Bernie Sanders voiced a character on ‘The Ant and the Aardvark’…
Finally, I will find Kamala Harris’ parents before they got married and introduce them to every form of birth control known to man…
Oh! My letter! P.S. if the time machine is too big to bring down the chimney, leave cash. I’ll go on Amazon and find one myself…MERRY CHRISTMAS!
